I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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