I'm gonna have a badass scar
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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