Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Two words: blizzard sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
