she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
