Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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