a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
