K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
