god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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