a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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