Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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