So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
