Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
