We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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