If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
