My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
