Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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