Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
