whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
