I wish I could punch you in the face.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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