John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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