I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
