never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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