i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
