where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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