Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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