Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
