If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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