she woke up with a sticky ear
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
