Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize