I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
