His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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