Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
