watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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