shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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