you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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