Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You are the jesus of drinking
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
