Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
