On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
