I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
