I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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