i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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