The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
