We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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