Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
and you fell through a lawn chair
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
