gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
