Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
