i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is this the sara with the beer cane?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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