We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
