The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
this hospital has no fireball
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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