She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
