3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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