"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
