so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
