I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
