I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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