And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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