no, he came in my armpit
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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