there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
