no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
