Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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