im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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