my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my shit smells like andre
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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