highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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