well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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