I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
