My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
